Sunday, September 27, 2009

The father and his love

Today, a heart and a soul, feel the pain of a person who is gone. His love and care, will forever live in the smiles and the hearts of the family, because they are the result of his love and hard work during his life. This poem may seem simple, but nothing simpler than the love of a father to a daughter. A love that needs no explanation or reason, a love so strong that will engage in all to protect his eternal little girl. Today, to my friend, I give this poem, reminding you to remember, that you forever owned his heart. Be the best, and shine, like the bright star you are, just like you shined in your father's eyes. He will always shine with your light. I may have never met him, but I have seen your heart, and therefore I am sure that he was a wonderful man.

Daddy's little girl

The smile of the girl
was a gift her father carved
so whenever she went away
she always felt his love inside her heart.

The tears of the girl
were never due to him
but he was always gentle and tender
to wipe them from her cheeks.

The first real kiss of the girl
was given by her dad,
when she was born he held her close
so she could never leave his heart.

Even as time passed
and her life has taken its own path
he could always see the beauty
of her smile and her eyes.

The love of the father
was always his little girl
the one he kisses and loves
every night and every day.

Dedicated to Patrizia Angelelli and her family

Saturday, September 12, 2009

The last day of Hope - changes in the path

One of the things I wish I had learned to do is to let go. I wish somebody taught me to say goodbye, specially to say it to someone that means so much and you know would make all your life different if the person stayed. Sometimes, no matter what you do, no matter how hard you try to make that person understand that things are better if you stay together, the paths will go in different directions.

Picture this, an alley, rain, pain, trying to hold a hand of someone who has given you her back, the hand you pull does not pull back, and steps forward, further from you, every second, one step. The distance grows as the volume of tears that pours from your eyes, and still you try to pull, because you know that person can make everything alright. I wish I knew how to let go, and not be dragged through the ground until the moment I have no more strength to hold on.

Why does nobody tell us how to say good bye? Since we are small, we learn to meet people, how to be polite, how to become friends, and how to get into relationships, but nobody tells us how to let go. That is why we often find ourselves in pain, in tears saying good bye to someone meaningful in life. Life has a cruel way of bringing people into or life, and taking them away. I try to think for a moment, and maybe its because it is not in our nature to say goodbye, or simply not of our interest. Somehow we meet people and let them into our hearts, expecting them to stay forever, but are we so naive to think that all of this is possible? Who knows, but when I meet someone I never think of the moment that person will leave. There have been moments in my life in which I am forced to embrace this situation, but never the less, even if I know a person who for sure will leave in some time, I still give all of me, and allow that person to get inside my life, because I know that some seconds with that person, are better than a lifetime without that person. I know for sure, that one minute with you, is much better than a lifetime without you.

Why say that, because I am like that. I am a person with a heart that feels, that lives and loves. My heart has been a victim of my hopes and dreams, maybe I see possible were everything is impossible, maybe I am indeed a dreamer and do not realize the true situations. Some people may say I fall in love easily, I do not think it is like that. Saying that would mean that I love anyone that appears on my path, and that is not true. As I have said before, I am a blessed man who has met the greatest women in the world, and I have fallen in love, to some degree, with them. This meaningful women are the ones that get my heart. When I fall in love, I do not think of time and plans, because love is the most important to me. Maybe its wrong for you, but for me its the road I need to travel to be happy. I am not afraid to say I love you, because when I say it is because I mean it. When I love, I give all, I have no restraints, I give all since the first day, because that is the way its meant to be, its a love that matures, that grows, and becomes stronger, always simple, always honest, always faithful.

Being a person who loves deeply makes it extremely difficult and painful to move on. I thank life that through writing I have found a placebo to ease the pain of thought. Moving on takes time for me, and I do suffer, and occasionally I cry, why deny it? Still, I would never change the way I do things, because if I put all of this in a balance, the moments of happiness, will always outweigh the moments of sadness. Now I truly understand that sometimes happiness is not always about quantity, but about quality.

Once again I find myself writing with a certain objective, to somehow understand that this is the last grasp I will try to make to her hand, to somehow tell myself that it is my last day of hope, but somehow, with this person it has been impossible. Why whenever I write thinking of her, even if I start with planned sadness I end up full of thoughts of love and hope? Call me stupid, maybe its a sign, maybe life is indeed simpler than what we think.

The greatest thing is that even if that person is far away from me, hidden in the silence, every time I think of her, I smile, I'm happy, I am grateful.

When I began this entry, I wanted to end it with a quote from Coldplay: the hardest part was letting go not taking part, you really broke my heart.

I can not say that, because even if I have to let you go, you never broke my heart, all you did was put it back in order, fix it, and teach it how to really love, all over again. So once again, I find myself with long lasting hope, a hope of being someone in your life, someone who allows you to reach your dreams and be happy. At the end of the day, when you have achieved all you wanted, I want you to look at your side, and you will see me, because your goals are also mine. I will do all to see you happy. Tell me where to walk and I will walk there with you. I will hold you, I will fall with you and get you back on your feet, and I will be there when you smile cause your dreams are now a reality. I have said it before, I already achieved many of my dreams, achieving yours is something I would be delighted to take part of. Even more so, because being beside you would be the greatest dream I want to reach, all the rest would be secondary to you. As I always said, its about priorities, and I already found my most important one.

Sunday, September 6, 2009

Your accomplice and lover

This is one of the most difficult things I have ever written, and I know that while I write it a part of my soul bleeds to death, it is needed in order to move on, it is needed in order to feel the pain, and be born back from it.

Feelings can change, can evolve, and can grow, that is the wonderful part of life, meeting someone, and watch as your feelings for that person change, from stranger to lover. If you had the chance to observe a movie of your life, you would enjoy looking at the moment in which a person becomes meaningful. You would be delighted with the struggle of understanding our feelings, what we want, what that person means, and more importantly how to make that person feel the same. Sometimes the movie has a happy ending, sometimes since the beginning both feel the same, and sometimes the end is not as expected. Sometimes all you had, falls into an abyss of despair, loosing all hope. My point is, that after all the different possibilities, the saddest is to watch the feelings die. Even worse, to make them die, to observe them, to observe yourself in sorrow and sadness, and not be able to give yourself a line of hope. Letting your feelings die is difficult. For me, is like letting myself die.

If you love somebody, you must be ready to let them walk away.

Never truly understood that quote. The truth is that I found myself in love, truly and deeply in love. I love a woman, that has all the things I could have ever imagined, and so many more that I had no idea would hypnotize me and take control of all my heart and emotions in one second. The sad part is that I have to let go of all. Let this feeling fade away into the sunset, while I simply watch, watch until all is gone. I wont deny you my pain, but somehow, as I write this letter that sounds more like the will of a heart on its path to death, I can still perceive hope within my words, hope of saying the right words, maybe to be able to say something that can change all. Hope is the last thing a man looses, even though I have not lost it all, at the end of this writing I wish it was all gone, so I could go ahead with my life and move on. Like she said, feelings cant change into friendship from one day to another. That is the issue of the moment, we both have feelings, why is it so difficult to make them work? Why give up on something that has proven to make us happy? Plans and dreams?

Ella tiene mil planes ahora, lo que ella no sabe es que yo ya he logrado muchas de mis metas y pues en este momento puedo darme el lujo de ayudarla a ella a lograr sus metas.

She has many plans now, but what she does not realize is that I have already achieved many of my goals and therefore, in this moment I can take the luxury if helping her to achieve her goals.

The person I love, is a person who is bigger than all my plans combined. Is a person that can be a plan of life, a better one than all I had before. A real plan that would give me all that I really stand for in life (love all I do in life). Someone who can really show me love and live life like it is meant to be lived. Someone who can show me that life is indeed, beautiful every day and can be lived to the fullest no matter what. Someone who can make me delight in tears of joy. Someone who has painted a smile on my face with such tenderness and on an easy manner.

There are so many ways to describe her, so many ways to say how she makes me happy, but more importantly, I want to tell her how I want to make her happy, so this lines are for her: if there is one thing I truly want, is for us to be something important. I really like you (simple as it sounds, meaningful as it is), to me you the most beautiful woman in the world (I know it sounds kind of lame) that is why when I am with you all I want to do is be close to you and never let you go, and I have all this amazing feelings for you (I guess now you know what amazing is). You are amazing to me, in ways I cant describe because you made me discover a happier side of me, you have made me see a better side of me, an incredibly happy version of myself I am getting to know better, and for sure do not want to see disappear. I really hope we have a chance together, because no matter what, in me you will find someone who will give all to make you fall in love every second, to be your lover, your friend, your accomplice in all. I truly want us, and its up to you, I'm trying to be the person you need me to be right now because I don't want to push anything, but I want you to know what is in my heart. You are someone with whom I see myself happy and someone that matters a lot to me. I'm sure i can make you happy, and help you achieve all you want. Point the direction and I will walk with you there.

I wish she knew how much she means to me, maybe like that she would understand more why I do the things I do. Call it lucky or unlucky, depends on how you see it. Luck and blessing was to meet her, to kiss her and fall in love with her. Unlucky was not to be included in her plans. All I ask, is for one second, for her to look at herself with my eyes, and feel all the delight I have inside my heart. Maybe then, she will understand how I feel for her.

So i finish this conversation with myself, with you, and with her, and after putting all my feelings in front, I feel hope, I feel happiness, the joy of being in love, no matter the outcome, because with her, I have won since the first instant she entered my life.

Friday, September 4, 2009

Love me like I want you to love me

I love you, maybe you do not understand the way I do it, maybe because you have never been loved this way, maybe you are just simply not used to it. Still, this does not change the fact that I love you. I know I say many things, maybe it appears to soon for them, but what to do when they are true words that express true feelings? Shall a man be silent and tie up his heart, or just take the risk of exposing his feelings. Balance is the key, of finding the best way to combine the will and desires of two persons, into a bigger and better desire for both.

Love is indeed a work of two persons, who have to understand each other. People say love is about sacrifices, I think its more of understanding each other, our pasts that made us this way, that one way that guided us to one another, that way which made us the person we both love today. So why try to change that person into something he or she is not? It’s a constant struggle between understanding what we want, how we want it, the person in our dreams and the reality of the person that has made our dreams real.

Of course, in the path of life we have met many people, and somehow with the mistakes we have learned what we do not want. That is simple, but leads us to one of the biggest mistakes we may do, select someone who is what we do not want, instead of doing the right thing of being with someone we really do desire to be with. It sounds the same, but with one, you are selecting by defects and on the other one you select by virtues. Knowing what we dislike is simple, that is why we fail, that is why we have experience, that is why we live, and learn, in order not to stumble with the same rock more than one time.

Experience is simply the name we give our mistakes - Oscar Wilde

Choosing by running away of what we do not want, leads us to other mistakes, to adding features and characteristics to that list of what we do not want. Therefore, why not take a risk of being with someone that shows you something different, something you do not understand, but you enjoy. Fear, passion, nervousness, thoughts, feelings, heartbeats.... all emotions and sensations, known and unknown, maybe inexplicable, probably the result of something new in our life. So why not take the risk of actually learning what we do want. Fear of the unknown is the first obstacle we need to learn to pass by. Changing our plans is another fact we need to learn to bend, because that person appears without knowledge of our plans, nobody is handed a list of plans of all humans and then decides who to approach based on common plans. That would be too complicated and too boring. I have my plans, but I am open to find a woman that changes my plans, because I am sure that if she is so great to change my plans, then its the greatest signal I know I have found someone really important. Maybe on this point tons of people do not agree with me, but that is me, I simply stick to the basics, I follow my instincts and do whatever leads me to be happy, and love is on top of the list.

So, what I am trying to say here, is that you have plans and I have plans, and I am willing to change mine for you, and walk with you to help you achieve yours, and then when the time is right, I am sure you will help me achieve my dreams, still, in this moment I have a bigger dream, which I am sure you know what it is, and in case you do not know, please stand up and take a look at the mirror, you will see who I am talking about. So I know we do not understand the reasons all of this has happened, and even more so, the strange manner in which it occurred, but even though nobody may understand it, it does not matter, because at the end of the day even if I have talked to you more than half of the time, I feel I can talk more and be happy (BE HAPPY - isn't this the final purpose in life?). Connecting with somebody is more valuable than thinking if this is normal. Finding a person who does not need to be by your side at all times to make you feel complete, is my definition of a soul mate. The time people talk to each other should not be measured or timed within the barriers of what is normal, because normality has lead so many lovers to failure, maybe the key in love is to be not normal, to follow your heart and stop feeling with your brain.

All of this are simple reflections of what I want to do, what is really important, and with all the hope, I ask you to take a chance on me, because I am sure you will never regret it.