So I recently moved to Hungary, after living in Germany for almost four years. There are not so many differences in terms of the countries, even more so, there are some advantages since the culture and the food are more similar to my home country compared to what I experienced in Germany. The biggest weakness is my inability to communicate or understand people.
I recently started to learn Hungarian, but the progress is slow, basically I can’t get past the introduction conversation. Who cares who I am, or where I come from, and for that matter if I am learning Hungarian, if I have nothing else to say? Few people can speak in English, but most of them have little to say.
I constantly find myself in many tables where many people gather and talk. In Hungary, food and alcohol are always present. The advantage of not understanding is that basically you do not have to talk or to listen to the uncomfortable things many people say in any language. I can dedicate time to feel the flavor of great foods or to taste a good wine, and of course, the Hungarian drink, Palinka. Which on the label should say, don’t try this at home. Those are of course positive points. In this prolonged silence I have been able to be quieter and calmer.
The main issue, is that in order to go through gatherings, which are very common, I constantly find myself filling in the blanks, imagining what they say, or the jokes, or what they talk about. I guess is the feeling of missing the gift of understanding a conversation. It has been a while since I had a deep and profound conversation, not that I had them a lot before, but at least I had the chance, here I do not have it. I guess that is how dementia starts; there should be a study of the correlation between immigration and dementia. How many immigrants actually lose their sanity? Well I hope I do not get to be a part of the statistic. It is uncomfortable enough to know that there is a possibility that filling in the blanks is not totally sane, but who cares, if that is what gets me through a day and a night?
Silence is golden, but a word and a conversation it is also very valuable in, if not building your intellect, at least keeping your mind in shape.
I guess that while my previous entries in the blog were in order to let go of feelings that were hurting or keeping me at unease, these next entries may be a way of talking to me, or at least raising the issues concerning my past decisions and the ones that may come in the future.
So long and viszontlátásra…