Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Trip within my heart and soul

In order to discover the real path of my heart, and understand the events that are occurring in my heart since I met a special person, I want to define a setting before going into the description of my feelings. Italy used to be the land where I saw myself in love, but now I understood, that love now has a bigger, more important, and different meaning than what it used to have. No longer I have this view of Italian love that haunted my mind for so much time. Now I have a better view of love, more free, fun, relaxed, and very comforting. Mature and crazy at the same time.

In this process of liberation, of letting go of the past, not by denial, but by facing it and choosing a brighter future over the dark past, I have discovered myself, what I truly am, what I truly want, and what I am really worth. In this moment, I have a bright future ahead of me, and I am going to fight for it, because it is worth it. She is worth it.

Terre di Sardegna

A magical corner where children and grown ups share the same delight for an ice cream. Colors, flavors, textures, and pleasures, all as unique as the customer's taste.

Sardegna, Alghero, full of people, where Italians come to rest from Italy. The meditarranean breeze plays a slow and warming melody that sets the tone to a conversation full of gestures and emotions. I don't feel like a foreigner, I feel part of this place, like this place expected my arrival, this shall explain why all my thoughts are very clear now.

Commo Lake - Pare

A majestic lake surrounded by mountains. The sun heats its waters, brightens it, covers it, giving it life, the life that the Italian summer has. Families, friends, and lovers, conversations and emotions are found in this magical place. My heart feels in peace, only missing the company that has been needed for so long, but now is clear where to find.

The discovery

Once again I find myself in Italy, a country of feelings and flourishing passions. For the first time my thoughts are not centered in this land, this sunset or the ocean that surrounds me. My thoughts wonder across this island, the ocean, the mountains, until arriving at her feet, thirsty for a taste of her lips.

Time is the best medicine known to my heart, which to me, was hit by a mortal blow, so many times, and still was beating, stronger and wiser than ever before. As I grew up, each and every relationship was meaningful. Each and every relationship was a feeling, a lecture, and a lesson. Many times I did not understand, still I wonder If I have understood anything.

Somehow, each and every meaningful relationship II have had has given me a strong life lesson. There were always difficult moments that have shaped my character. From learning how to break up when that relationship had cost so much effort and pain to obtain, understanding that religious views when opposing, generate frictions that open scars within couples, that there are mistakes that separate people and can be forgiven but never forgotten, and the biggest one is to learn to identify what is not the love of your life, even if for many days you were convinced about it, even worse if you need to live it twice to learn it.

Quizá Dios quiera que conozcas mucha gente equivocada antes de que conozcas a la persona adecuada, para que cuando al fin la conozcas sepas estar agradecido.

Perhaps God wants you to meet many of the wrong people before you meet the right one, so that when you finally meet them you will know to be grateful.

All has been a discovery of my soul, of my dreams, and of my desires. Questions haunt my mind, like if this journey will have an end and I will be finally ready for the next step, whatever it may be, or this will be a never ending discovery of myself. As well, have I been a part of the learning process of my previous couples, or simply life has used these women to guide me through my path? Both cases, I am truly blessed.

One thing I am sure, now, for the first time, I know who I am, what I want in my life, my priorities, how I want them, and more importantly, how much I am worth.

The discovery is simple, what I thought was love, was never love. I saw love as something that supplied basic needs of comfort, company, sex, laughter, and routine. I was wrong, love is something that makes you dream, that gives you hope, that supplies your needs and creates new ones, supplies needs which you did not even knew existed. Love is a constant discovery of yourself guided by the hand of the person that can see your soul, the person that knows your heart inside out more that you do, cause that person organizes it and disoirganizes it at the same time. Love is more than needs, love is life. I guess that is why they call that special person a soul mate, because indeed is something that fills your soul.

It is always difficult to characterize love into words, even more difficult to admit that you had never been truly in love, even though you thought you felt it and took the risk of saying it. To the women I said it to, I am sorry, but know that what I said, was what I thought love was. Today, my love is bigger and better, brighter and full of hopes and dreams, because I learned to love myself, and after discovering what I am worth, I am ready to offer it.

I am sure as that one person will guide me in the discovery of my life, adulthood, parenthood, and elderly days (because I believe true love lasts a life time), I will guide that person. I am sure this life long commitment can be scary, but know that within the path of our life, there will be laughter, happiness, sadness, and many feelings, be sure, you will feel alive, and grateful to be alive, every day of your life. Want to walk with me?

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