What is a surprise, something unexpected, something that generates an emotion, that makes us sad or happy? I will stick to the meaning I had as a child, it was a gift, something unknown, something that would make me happy; like christmas gifts. Its a shame that as we grow up, many of the words we thought only had a positive meaning, suddenly have so many bad associations. He died in an accident, she lost all her money, they lost their home. Suddenly, all these surprises seem so distant to my childhood meaning.
Lately I have understood, that the key to joy in my life, is to follow the true and simple meanings I learned while being a child:
1. Love: as a kid I was never afraid to show the people I loved how much I did, I was never afraid to seem vulnerable in their absence because I totally trusted them, I was always able to say I love you. I remember telling my mom that I loved her from the earth to the sky, because to me that was the most outer limit.
2. Dreams: as a child I had dreams of being someone, no matter how important or unknown, all that mattered to me was that the dream would put a smile on my face, today we dream with cars, wealth, careers, etc. My dream was to be happy, my dream was to be like my dad, no matter if I did not know what he did. He was a loving man, and I am proud to say that after 27 years of my existence, he still tells me that he loves me (Gracias papa!)
3. Hope: dreaming was always simple because there was hope, my hope was immense, had no limits, my hope had all, in my hope there was no thing impossible. I trusted and believed in myself, I trusted the people around me, I trusted the world to let me achieve my dreams. Today, people think that if you hope and you dream too much, you are not realistic. Why be realistic when it only cuts your wings? Please do not cut my wings.
I could go on naming things that have changed, but I have decided to go back and live things on the basic, simple, and most beautiful meaning. I want surprises to be only good, I want to love without limits, I want to dream, and hope all will be like that.
What made me think of this, what can move a man to let go of all he has learned in school, university and life. Love is the answer. Love has been the only real and true thing in life. I was loved since I was born, and no matter how life has been, in every second of my existence, I was loved by someone, anytime, there was always at least one person. Sometimes more, sometimes less, but love was always there. No matter if I was heartbroken, there was always the love of family, a friend, or even a pet. Its time to give back, what life has given me in abundance: time to give love.
Life has given me a surprise, when I thought I had lost the love of my life, I understood that I was wrong, for the first time admit I did not truly love her, she simply supplied the needs I had when I was alone, she was friend, family, company, partner, but a true love she was not. She was a bridge from my past life to my new life, its amazing how time works, but only time can allow us understand what is the function of certain people in our life. I needed to pass through a difficult time in my life to know how much I am worth, to know how much I can truly give.
Today I am sure, that I am worth a lot. I needed to love myself in order to be able to truly love someone, the truth is that I did not love myself. Now I do, now I am ready to truly love, my worth is for you to have.
Today I find myself in the verge of real love, on the door, staring, smiling, nostalgic, full of dreams and hope. There is no fear, because I am sure, there will be always someone loving me, supporting me, and cheering for me. How to know its real? Simple, cause there is no limit, there is no fear, there is hope and there are tons of dreams that seem very clear to me, and simply because in my heart it truly feels right, and when I write this and repeat, I smile.
You trust your heart, because it is the only organ in your body that does not have the ability to be selfish.
I am facing a person who makes me stare at my soul, and allows me to understand myself, while drawing a smile on my lips which I thought did not exist. I am facing a person that can change my path, reshape the way, and makes me feel happy about it. I am facing a woman which makes me want to be better every second, try harder, be sweeter, write about hope and not about despair, and even loose some weight.
Therefore, today I make a compromise with my life, with myself, to follow my heart as I did when I was a child, I will love without fear, dream without limits, and hope that all will be always perfect, and the days in which it is not like I dreamed, I will always have the love of the people around me. I am a fortunate man, a blessed man. I am a son, a brother, a friend, and a lover. I am alive.
The best part, is that as I read over and over again this note, I feel confident, I feel happy, that I am truly doing the right thing, that I am truly in the right path. This is for you, and you know the smile I have on my lips. Thanks for being in my life, you are worth a fight, a risk, a journey, because at the end of the path, I will find happiness, and I truly hope to find you.
This is the first picture I have of myself, and I'm sure my parents took it with a lot of love.